GOOTH

When I was in 4^th grade I pretended I was into ‘NSync.  I was so involved with this lie I even got my dad to take me to a concert as a birthday gift.  I fell asleep after the first song.  He fell asleep shortly after.  We bought t-shirts.  I’m not sure why.  My dad still wears it to work out in sometimes. On the car ride home all I wanted to do was listen to my favorite girl band at the time, Kittie.  They had songs much catchier than Bye Bye Bye like Spit, Suck, Do You Think I’m a Whore?, and Get Off (You Can Eat a Dick).  They were a metal band that formed in their tweens after meeting in gymnastics class.  Let’s just say I was obsessed.  By sixth grade I was a full-blown “Goth” (in the middle school way).  I had imitation Converse from Payless and chokers from the Hot Topic in Westchester.  But for me dressing Goth* didn’t hold the same power as it seemed to hold for the Kittie girls.  I couldn’t scream.  I couldn’t even talk.  Wearing black was more about covering my stomach rolls and my sweat stains than looking to stand out or start a riot.  Now (as I’ve kind of come to the other side of self acceptance) I associate black with hiding and not being noticed because that was what it was about in middle school.  Like if I put on a black dress in the morning I will suddenly disappear or something.  So as much as I aspire to look like a witch-gothy-angel-fairy I’m hesitant to don an all black ensemble.  I dabbled in the dark side a bit today by borrowing Mattie’s combat boots and putting on my spooky Chrishabana eye necklace.  And I felt gorg!  

*I know that Heavy Metal music is not the same as Goth music, but to my twelve-year-old self it was.  And I wouldn’t have considered my look metalhead it was too girly.

The dress and beaded top are both vintage from good ole ebay and the necklace is Chrishabana

I made a mood board in adoration of the one time bass player of Kittie, Talena Atfield, who is a total babe along with the work of Petah Coyne (an artist that with her dripping wax, taxidermy, and dead flowers definitely has some gothic persuasions)