Saturday, June 16, 2012


When I was in 4th grade I pretended I was into ‘NSync.  I was so involved with this lie I even got my dad to take me to a concert as a birthday gift.  I fell asleep after the first song.  He fell asleep shortly after.  We bought t-shirts.  I’m not sure why.  My dad still wears it to work out in sometimes. On the car ride home all I wanted to do was listen to my favorite girl band at the time, Kittie.  They had songs much catchier than Bye Bye Bye like Spit, Suck, Do You Think I’m a Whore?, and Get Off (You Can Eat a Dick).  They were a metal band that formed in their tweens after meeting in gymnastics class.  Let’s just say I was obsessed.  By sixth grade I was a full-blown “Goth” (in the middle school way).  I had imitation Converse from Payless and chokers from the Hot Topic in Westchester.  But for me dressing Goth* didn’t hold the same power as it seemed to hold for the Kittie girls.  I couldn’t scream.  I couldn’t even talk.  Wearing black was more about covering my stomach rolls and my sweat stains than looking to stand out or start a riot.  Now (as I’ve kind of come to the other side of self acceptance) I associate black with hiding and not being noticed because that was what it was about in middle school.  Like if I put on a black dress in the morning I will suddenly disappear or something.  So as much as I aspire to look like a witch-gothy-angel-fairy I’m hesitant to don an all black ensemble.  I dabbled in the dark side a bit today by borrowing Mattie’s combat boots and putting on my spooky Chrishabana eye necklace.  And I felt gorg!  

*I know that Heavy Metal music is not the same as Goth music, but to my twelve-year-old self it was.  And I wouldn’t have considered my look metalhead it was too girly.

The dress and beaded top are both vintage from good ole ebay and the necklace is Chrishabana

I made a mood board in adoration of the one time bass player of Kittie, Talena Atfield, who is a total babe along with the work of Petah Coyne (an artist that with her dripping wax, taxidermy, and dead flowers definitely has some gothic persuasions)


  1. you felt gorg because you LOOK gorg!! your hair is like a sunset. god, i too was obsessed with kittie in high school, they really appealed to my desire to scream and be angry with the world, yet still be a (conventionally feminine) GIRL.

  2. You're making me blush and I can't believe you were into Kittie too! Yeah I did a lot of cathartic screaming in my bedroom after school to their music.

  3. I love your blog so much! That outfit is perfect :D plus you have amazing music taste. Followed now (yay, was trying to follow the other day and couldn't find the box to do so), put you on my faves list on my blog too!

  4. omg where has this blog been all of my life. To state the obvious you have the raddest taste in music ever and your outfit is uhmazing and dreamy and perfect. *dies*

  5. A Talena Atfield fan site!